If you are offensively rich and like living at ground level with beachfront vistas, then it’s time to smash that piggy bank apart with the sturdiest real estate hammer you have. Nicole Buckler checks it out.
For all of you who live on the Northern part of the Goldie and take your morning walk along this stretch, this house is already known to you. It is one of the most iconic houses along this part of the beach.
This house screams “I have made it!” And, if you keep the décor, you will have made it with a little bit of bad taste. But before I talk about the wildly awful decoration style, let’s talk about this house’s biggest attraction – the pure beachfront position. These houses just don’t come up for sale that often but when they do, it is times like these that you really wish you had a seriously rich uncle on his deathbed with no descendants but you.
The beach. It’s right there, outside your door. Uninterrupted, point-blank views of the Pacific Ocean. Surfing, suntanning, swimming all on a patrolled oasis of sand. So, if you like to perve on hot lifesavers, this is your vista. I mean, come on we have all seen how hot the Lifesavers are at Main beach.
Let’s not forget its positioning. This house sits between the Gold Coast’s two thriving hubs: Southport and Surfers Parade. The property is only a short walk to stylish Tedder Avenue. So if you want to get absolutely ridiculously drunk on bright pink cocktails bearing crazy straws and bizarre fruit, then the stumble home won’t even cause you to sweat, unless you are a little allergic to alcohol like me.
In the morning – after you swim in the ocean which happens to be in your front yard – you can crawl back to the cafés to cure your hangover with all sorts of bacon items. I mean, the Tedder Avenue strip is dedicated to the morning coffee society. And where’s the coffee, there’s nearly always bacon.
If you work from home – running your empire of mass sock manufacturing or whatever it is you do – you have the full set up. The executive office comes with polished wood cabinetry and desk and a picture window for inspiration. It is the perfect space to separate business from pleasure. But if you are this rich then your business is probably fully damn pleasurable.
Once you have finished talking with the child slaves who make your socks in some hot, poor country, and you want to kick back, this is the place to do it. A high-end home such as this wouldn’t be complete without a media lounge, library and a lift. Netflix in style is just a few steps away from your desk. I mean, I don’t know if anyone else is watching the Umbrella Academy but even I was filthy rich I’d still be watching it, here, in my beach palace, like the rest of the peasants.
Or, you could go out on your cruiser for the day. There’s nowhere to park it onsite, but the Southport Yacht club is just down the road. If you keep your superyacht here, then you can cap off the day afterwards with friends at Southport Yacht Club’s Sunset Garden Bar. Noice!
If you get tired of being a salty sea dog, then let’s just have a quiet conversation about that pool which comes with bonus sounds of beach waves. It overlooks the ocean. You can sit in the spa at night at watch the kids from Schoolies Week create new life on the sand. I mean, there’s no better way to watch the peasants replicate.
If you have other rich friends, you can save them from having to go to Bunnings to get their Saturday snags. There’s a poolside barbeque and kitchen ready for a weekend lunch. Or, you could give yourself some time off from such hectic luxury and grab some fresh seafood from the famous Pete’s Co-Op on Seaworld Drive.
The living areas are large and open, allowing plenty of room for your own dining and lounge arrangements. There’s even a customised bar for those evening soirees that no one ever really has.
The main bathroom has indulgence written all over it. It includes a dedicated hair and makeup section. I mean, that’s for those of you who actually have hair. A lot of rich guys are bald for some reason.
This house is exactly the kind of house that I would buy – if Uncle Frank would ever start feeling unwell. The décor is definitely fright. I mean, it looks like two Korinthian grandmas exploded in there. But that’s all just personal taste. You don’t need to burn this place to the ground and rebuild to make it feel like your own. A few licks of paint and a fast truck from St Vinnies to pick up all the furniture and this place is the castle you always dreamed of. Which reminds me, I might go see how Uncle Frank is doing.
Enquiries to: Lucy Cole – 0412 755 709